Eye halve a spelling chequer
It came with my pea sea
It plainly marques four my revue
Miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and type a word
And weight four it two say
Weather eye am wrong oar write
It shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
It nose bee fore two long
And eye can put the error rite
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
Its letter perfect awl the weigh
My chequer tolled me sew.
“Candidate for a Pullet Surprise”
By Jerrold H. Zar, Northern Illinois University
Journal of Irreproducible Results 39, 1 (Jan.-Feb. 1994): 13
Note to my students: you should not take this poem to indicate that spell checking your papers is a bad idea.
Every semester I am amazed by the number of students who turn in papers full of typographical errors that would have been caught by spending a few minutes with a spell checker. On the other hand, one should not assume that the spell checker alone can guarantee perfect results…
I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it’s weigh.
My checker tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.
Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The checker pours o’er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.
Bee fore a veiling checker’s
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we’re lacks oar have a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know fault’s with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word’s fare as hear.
To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaw’s are knot aloud.
Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear four pea seas,
And why eye brake in two averse
Buy righting want too pleas.
submitted by Alan De Santos
The day finally arrives: Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. The gates are closed however, as Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter says, “Well Forrest, it’s certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place is filling up fast, and we’ve been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven.”
Forrest responds “It shore is good to be here St.Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. Sure hope the test ain’t too hard; life was a big enough test as it was.”
St. Peter goes on, “Yes, I know Forrest, but the test I have for you is only three questions.
1. What days of the week begin with the letter T?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God’s first name?”
Forrest goes away to think the questions over. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam questions.
St. Peter waves him up and says, “Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers.”
Forrest says, “Well, the first one – how many days of the week begin with the letter “T”? Shucks, that one’s easy. That’d be Today and Tomorrow.”
The Saint’s eyes open wide and he exclaims, “Forrest! That’s not what I was thinking, but….you do have a point though, and I guess I didn’t specify, so I give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?” asks St.Peter. “How many seconds in a year?”
“Now that one’s harder,” says Forrest, “But I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve.”
Astounded St. Peter says,”Twelve!? Twelve!? Forrest, how in Heaven’s name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?”
Forest says “Shucks, there’s gotta be twelve: January second, February second, March second…..”
“Hold it,” interrupts St. Peter. “I see where you’re going with this. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn’t quite what I had in mind, but I’ll give you credit for that one, too.”
“Let’s go on with the next and final question. Can you tell me God’s first name?”
Forrest replied, “Andy.”
“OK, OK,” said a frustrated St.Peter, “I guess I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you came up with the name Andy as the first name of God?”
“That was the easiest one of all,” Forrest replied
“I learned it from the song….. “ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN
Submitted by Alan De Santos
Life is similar to Boxing Match……
Defeat is NOT declared when one is knocked down; , rather It is declared if and when one refuses to ‘Get Up’!
………..I think of this whenever I am in trouble or have a problem, and it helps me to rise above the Problem
Submitted by Cecil Wagstaff